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ap_aelfwineQuestions to ask your local Interchangeable Guitar or Bodhrán Player (Many thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shadowflyer for the _perfect_ term for those guys (and occasionally girls) who dedicate their nights and weekend afternoons to monotonous banging in the general direction of every tune that dares show its head.)
10) "Are you playing this session, or are you using hidden microphones to play one fifty miles away?"
9) "Do you find that playing sessions has improved your Whack-a-Mole game?"
8) "Did someone tell you that "The Silver Spear" was the the Irish name for "Louie Louie," or did you just decide that on your own?"
7) "Has anyone ever told you there's more than one tune in each key?"
6) "Does some accompaniment-hating crusty old boy pay you to win folk over to his viewpoint?"
5) "Did you know that reels and hornpipes have different names because they actually have different beats? If they were all just one-and two-and three-and four-and, we'd call them "Undifferentiated four-to-the-bar tunes."
4) "Is there a herd of very small stampeding elephants hiding somewhere behind you?"
3) "See that person with the brown thing under her chin? It's called a fiddle. She's called a fiddler. She's also called a session leader. See that thing in your hands? It's called a guitar. It's also called a backing instrument. That means it follows her instrument. No, not to hit it on the head and steal its wallet... it follows her instrument because it likes her instrument. You're not letting it follow her instrument. That makes a guitar very sad. You wouldn't want to make your guitar very sad, because when guitars get very sad they sometimes stuff themselves down their owners' throats. You don't want your guitar to stuff itself down your throat, do you?"
2) "I'm told Sony Records is scheming to wipe out the public performance of live unprocessed music by sneaking highly trained music assassins armed with guitars and bodhráns into Irish pubs. You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"
1) "Did Morrison's Jig beat you up every day when you were in Junior High? Did a band of rampaging polkas mug you for your lunch money? No? Then why are you trying to kill them?"
shadowflyer for the _perfect_ term for those guys (and occasionally girls) who dedicate their nights and weekend afternoons to monotonous banging in the general direction of every tune that dares show its head.)10) "Are you playing this session, or are you using hidden microphones to play one fifty miles away?"
9) "Do you find that playing sessions has improved your Whack-a-Mole game?"
8) "Did someone tell you that "The Silver Spear" was the the Irish name for "Louie Louie," or did you just decide that on your own?"
7) "Has anyone ever told you there's more than one tune in each key?"
6) "Does some accompaniment-hating crusty old boy pay you to win folk over to his viewpoint?"
5) "Did you know that reels and hornpipes have different names because they actually have different beats? If they were all just one-and two-and three-and four-and, we'd call them "Undifferentiated four-to-the-bar tunes."
4) "Is there a herd of very small stampeding elephants hiding somewhere behind you?"
3) "See that person with the brown thing under her chin? It's called a fiddle. She's called a fiddler. She's also called a session leader. See that thing in your hands? It's called a guitar. It's also called a backing instrument. That means it follows her instrument. No, not to hit it on the head and steal its wallet... it follows her instrument because it likes her instrument. You're not letting it follow her instrument. That makes a guitar very sad. You wouldn't want to make your guitar very sad, because when guitars get very sad they sometimes stuff themselves down their owners' throats. You don't want your guitar to stuff itself down your throat, do you?"
2) "I'm told Sony Records is scheming to wipe out the public performance of live unprocessed music by sneaking highly trained music assassins armed with guitars and bodhráns into Irish pubs. You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"
1) "Did Morrison's Jig beat you up every day when you were in Junior High? Did a band of rampaging polkas mug you for your lunch money? No? Then why are you trying to kill them?"
